Now I never thought I’d find my prince charming in a club. So no matter how much Big Boi proclaimed back in 2003 that “Big Girls need love, too,” I don’t think the other ATLiens got the message.
And of course there is that story of the time that Crunkadelic and I went to one of those Big Beautiful Women parties.
They usually find us I know there is this myth in Black America that brothers like their sisters thick, thick like a luscious milkshake, that “brings all the boys to the yard,” as it were.But what I call thick and what the average brother calls thick is not the same thing. (Sister looks fabulous, by the way.) Not quite Gabourey Sidibe thick. And when I was doing the online dating thing (I’ve tried it twice, and I’m taking a break) I saw one brother that specifically said, “I’m not into the Mo’Nique thing, ladies.” Translation: No fat girls need apply.It’s not popular to say (and I’m sure I’ll be e-stoned for saying it anyway), but if you’re overweight and serious about expanding your dating options, it may be worthwhile to shrink your waistline.What I’m getting at is something much more fundamental. Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls.Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.I’ve interviewed thousands of men in my career as a dating expert and journalist, and I’ve noticed that on every rundown of what it is that men are looking for in a woman, weight inevitably sneaks high on the list, usually in the form of “She works out” or “She stays fit” or “She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” — i.e., she’s not fat.